Help me! I’m so desperately lonely. I try to make out with ghosts every day, but even they won’t touch me!

-Old Goober

 

Dear Goober,

First, age is in the mind. Second, if your preference is ghosts you will have to get used to the “no touching”. If you seek physical companionship, may I suggest you seek out a more corporeal form. Werewolves like touching and cuddles.

LB