Dear LoveBites - I married a werewolf and love him dearly, but every full moon he destroys the living room furniture and I am tired of replacing the sofa. He says he ‘can’t help it.’ We have tried locking him in the basement but he chewed through the door. What do I do?
-Howling in Houston
Dear Howling,
You are not alone — this is one of the most common domestic challenges in interspecies marriages. First, practical advice: stop buying fabric sofas. Reinforced concrete furniture exists for exactly this reason, and several supernatural-specialty home goods retailers carry full moon–rated upholstery. Second, and more importantly, you and your husband need a monthly plan you both agree to in advance — perhaps a controlled outdoor space, or a stay at one of the many werewolf-friendly wilderness retreats that have cropped up in recent years. “I can’t help it” is true, but “we haven’t tried hard enough to manage it together” may also be true. Approach it as a team problem, not a character flaw, and you may find the full moon becomes an adventure rather than an insurance claim.
LB