Dear Love - my boyfriend, Erik, is a werewolf and a genuinely kind person, but last month during a particularly strong lunar cycle he marked every corner of our shared apartment as his territory, including my roommate Janelle’s half. Janelle did not take this well. Erik apologized sincerely and bought her a candle, but she says the candle “doesn’t cover it” and has begun leaving garlic everywhere, which she knows is for vampires and therefore does nothing but she says makes her feel better. How do we move forward?
— Mediating in Milwaukee
Dear Mediating,
Erik’s apology was appropriate and the candle was a thoughtful gesture. However, Janelle’s response, while botanically misdirected, is emotionally valid. Having one’s living space involuntarily claimed by a supernatural being is a boundary violation regardless of intent, and she is entitled to feel unsettled. I recommend Erik offer something more substantial — perhaps a month’s contribution toward the cleaning supplies, or taking on a shared chore. As for the garlic: let Janelle have it. It is doing no harm, and sometimes people need a talisman even when it’s the wrong one. The apartment will recover. The roommate relationship requires more tending.
LB